I don’t even know how to start this one. I just can’t seem to find the right words or maybe it’s all still too fresh. Or maybe I’m still just absolutely stunned by how good God has been to me and my family this year. I’ve tried to write this at least 5 times now and I just can’t find the right words! Bare with me as I try…..my 13 year old daughter Destiny, was diagnosed with cancer on January 25th of this year. We were told on February 2nd that she had a tumor in her right lung and all the lymphnodes from her diaphram up was covered in cancer. She was stage 4. The cancer was Hodgkins Lymphoma. I remember as they took her back into surgery her looking at me with tears running down her face, she said ” I’m scared.” I asked her what she was most scared of, and she replied that she was scared of going into surgery by herself, I reminded her that she wasn’t alone. God was with her. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was watch her being wheeled in one direction as I walked the other, knowing that she was afraid. This would begin my journey to learning what it really meant to wholeheartedly trust God. You see, I had thought I trusted God, but now there was absolutely no other option. I prayed, I begged, I pleaded with God. Sometimes no words would even come but the tears were there and all that I could find the energy to say was “God I need You”. And He was always there with me surrounding me with His peace and comforting me with His goodness. Reminding me that there was hope. Whispering His promises back to the innermost parts of my being. Reminding me to trust Him.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
As a mom I’ve prided myself in always being there for my kids and “fixing” them when they were hurt or sick, but this one was totally out of my control. I was learning to …..trust God with all of my heart….. And everytime my mind wondered too far ahead I would get terrified, but God was right there to remind me that everything was going to be okay, I just needed to trust Him.
Psalm 30:5 ….weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. God gave me this promise very early on and I came back to it over and over again. God said, you may be in the dark place of the tunnel right now but just hold My Hand I’m gonna walk you through it and there will be light at the end. And that’s the promise He gives all of us who are called His children. You don’t have to face another day in this dark, scary, and uncertain place alone.
Isaiah 41:13 says For I am the Lord your God, Who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘do not fear I will help you’. What an awesome God He is! He could’ve stopped when He made the way for us to have salvation through His Son Jesus, but He didn’t. He walks with us hand in hand everyday so that we will never have to face anything on our own in this life! If God is for us who or what can be against us? Nothing that we face or will ever face will be bigger than God.
There’s a whole lot more to this story that I plan on sharing but for now I will end by telling you that on August 15th, Destiny will be getting her port out because she no longer has cancer! Thank You Lord.